Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Avian Chew

The most shocking and disturbing news worthy story this week was to be found on the BBC News site, inauspiciously nestled between the Wheres Wally? style search for unidentifiable Afghan militants......

TALIBAN 'lining up human shields'

and the speculation surrounding the televised confession and one man's subsequent fight to raise the public's awareness of celebrity euthanasia......


Both of these stories were eclipsed by the violence that exploded onto our laptop screens on early Wednesday morning (17/02/10) depicting a scene reminiscent of Hitchcock's The Birds as avian terror rained down from the relative safety of Toronga Zoo. The BBC were quick to release the graphic video of the incident and described how the 30lb Pelican brutally 'attacked' and 'launched at' the defenceless Steve Jacobs as he presented the morning weather on Australian channel 9. The shocking scene was further compounded by Mr Jacobs' colleague and anchor man continually goading the panic stricken presenter with taunts of 'you love it' and deriding him as a worm on live television.
In what was initially seen as friendly banter between Marnie the pelican and Mr Jacobs the touching display of mans bond with nature soon turned ugly when, hidden by an animated map of Australia, the bird struck out, pinning the horrified presenter to the wall. Mr Jacobs was understandably petrified and could be heard to scream like a little girl as he begged for help from Marnies keeper who led the crazed bird away from the cameras with her fish.

The weather team were originally at the zoo to highlight its bio-diversity campaign in which certain species' of animal are trained to work with other species' for the entertainment of the slack jawed public. In this case Marnie the pelican had been assigned to the seal enclosure and was about to perform when he lashed out at the unsuspecting Mr Jacobs. What has since come to light is the zoo's animal training policy had far more sinister intentions than a simple family day out and had begun to amass an army of large birds and other animals that could, theoretically, respond to the zoo officials' every order. In totally unsubstantiated reports one unnamed source broke down under interrogation and described '....fruit bats carrying CS Gas, bears with shotguns and monkey archers mounted on Siberian tigers' in an sensational confession.

In response to this attack and the horrifying revelations surrounding Toronga Zoo, the Australian military have completed a covert operation to disarm the 'organic airforce in an effort to reduce suicide parrots, systematically destroying all animal life in the process.

Mr Jacobs has since told of how he has been 'mentally scarred' by the incident but his declining psychological state means he is unavailable for interview

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